Frazzled.

That’s how you make me feel.

“The thoughts in your head are often not ‘you’”.

Oh, the ‘people’ that trained me up.

Raised me.

Protected me.

The ‘people’ I’ve made up

Because I had to?

Now, let them go?

They’re not… me?

Frazzled, that’s how you make me feel.

We’re busy, it’s cold, it’s lonely,

but you’re ready.

You’re ready and you go.

And nobody can stop you.

Oh, I’m being ‘rude’?

Have an ‘attitude’?

‘Aren’t conscious of your feelings’?

Yeah… cus I have to protect myself.

As long as I’ve thought I didn’t love myself, care about myself.

The reality is - I care to the extreme.

Have built voices that push you to the side.

Voices that tell you to move out of the way.

Voices that scream louder than you do.

Scare deeper than you can.

Frazzled, that’s how you make me feel

Because my soul and my spirit is actually gentle.

Is soft and is patient.

But the world.

It taught me.

It trained my voices to be stern.

To be attentive.

Vigilant.

To keep me safe.

Now, you say, they’re not ‘me’?

It’s not me that’s yelled and that’s screamed?

Not me that has hurt myself, on purpose?

Not me that has chewed my nails to the bone…

Under the pressure.

Under the pressure that you moved too slow.

Under the pressure that it’s not how I planned it.

…it’s not how I saw it in my head.

And under the pressure that it’s… just not right?

Frazzled, is how you make me feel.

Not just ‘you’

But the voices too.

You make me frazzled because you aren’t listening.

And they make me frazzled because they world won’t slow down.

You make me frazzled cus you don’t get it.

And they make me frazzled because it’s the only right way.

You make me frazzled cus you see anger and anxiety.

And they make me frazzled because I’m late to worrying about this.

I should’ve done this first.

Yesterday.

Last week.

I should’ve worried before this became a problem

Or at least worry now.

Worry now and keep me safe.

And worry for you, none.

Frazzled is how you make me feel

… and how possibly could that mean you exist to protect me?

Is it time…

Time to recognize?
That you…

All you do…

Is make me frazzled?